I AM A 35 YR O GENTLEMAN AND I HAVE BEEN WITH MY GIRLFRIEND FOR 5&HALF YRS. IN 2003, SHE HAD AN AFFAIR WHILE I DID 4 MONTH’S IN LOCK UP FOR A CHARGE THAT WAS ORIG. FOR HER! BEING THE MAN I AM AND THINKING HOW HER CHILDREN NEEDED HER AT HOME, I LIED TO THE JUDGE BY TESTIFING THAT I WAS THE ONE WHO NEEDED TO BE CHARGED…YEA, I TOOK A CHARGE FOR HER, I WOULD HAVE TAKEN A BULLET FOR HER AS I LOVED HER VERY DEEPLY (IT WAS A MONTH BEFOR OUR 2 YR ANNIV, AND JUST 3 MONTHS AFTER I MADE HER THE VERY FIRST FEMALE TO SHARE W/ VIVID DETAIL , THE RAPES AND ABUSES DONE TO ME FROM AGE 7 TO AGE 10 BY MY MOTHERS B/F, NOT EVEN MY MOM & DAD KNEW ABOUT THIS. ANYWAY….I HAVE SPENT 3.5 YRS TRYING TO HEAL FROM THIS. BEING A COMPASSIONATE MAN AND FOLLOWING MY HEART, I DID NOT BREAK-UP BECAUSE SHE WAS SO VISUALY UPSET WITH HERSELF AND NEEDED INPATIENT THERAPY, LOVING SOMEONE LIKE THAT AND NOT WANTING TO SEE HER GO THROUGH THAT BY HERSELF, I CHOSE FORGIVENESS AND PROMISED TO TRY TO NOT GET UPSET AND USE IT AGAINST HER. I DID NOT CHEAT ON HER….EVER. WELL SHE HAS MADE A VALIENT EFFORT TO ENSURE THAT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO TRUST. YOU WOULD THINK THAT SHE WOULD DO EVERY AND ANY THING TO MAKE ME FEEL SECURE. SOME DAYS R GOOD, SOME DAYS ARE BAD. SHE REFUSES TO TREAT ME THE WAY I WANT 2 BE TREATED AS SHE LIES ABOUT ANYTHING, DOESNT RESPECT MY WISH’S, OR TAKE MY ADVICE, SUCH AS……….NOW YOU YOUNGER LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PLEASE, PLEASE LISTEN, SAVE YOURSELF FROM EMOTIONAL PAIN, OR CHRONIC DEPRESSION, OR A TRULLY BROKEN HEART…..IF YOU ARE BLESSED TO FIND SOMEONE WITH THAT “LOOK” IN THERE EYE AND YOU FEEL YOU WANT TO SHARE A LIFE TOGETHER..DO JUST THAT!!!!…….SHARE & COMMIT TO 3 THINGS. 1. UNLESS YOU BOTH AGREE TO SOMETHING ELSE, DO NOT CHEAT!!! 2. DO NOT LIE!!! AND 3. COMMUNCATE AND SHARE WITH EACH OTHER!!!….#3 IS POSSIBLY THE MOST IMPORTANT, BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH COMMUNICATION, UNTIL ITS TO LATE, MEANING THAT THERE COULD BE RESENTMENTS ALREADY PLANTED IN THE MIND WAITING FOR ITS MANY DIVERSE SPROUTS OF PRIDE, IRRATTIONAL THINKING, REVENGE AND MORE!! NOW THAT DOESNT MEAN THAT THERE WONT BE TIMES AWAY FROM YOUR “FAIRY TALE”, BUT IF YOU BOTH COMMIT TO THESE THINGS WITH CONSISTENCY AND REALIZE WE ALL HAVE PRIDE AND HABITS, AND THAT WE ARE ALL CAPABLE OF PAITIENCE AND CHANGE, I PROMISE YOU THAT, WHAT YOU MAY HAVE CALLED FIGHTING IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP. YOU WILL NOW KNOW IT AS RATIONAL PROBLEM SOLVING THAT, IN TIME WILL SHOW YOU A QUALITY OF LIFE THAT WILL INTRODUCE YOU TO TRUE FRIENDSHIP, WHAT IT MEANS TO CARE, AND POSSIBLY YOUR FIRST LOVE.
UNFORTUNATLY DECEIT WAS PERMITTED TO BREECH MY RELATIONSHIP, AND IT WAS NOT DEALT WITH PROPERLY. ITS NOT A TOTAL LOSE THOUGH AS I HAVE LEARNED MORE ABOUT MYSELF IN THE LAST 5.5 YRS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP THAN I EVER HAD BEING INVOLVED IN PAST RELATIONSHIPS. I CAN SAY TODAY THAT I AM HONEST AND REALIZE HOW DISHONEST I WAS B4. I HAVE COME TO KNOW THE TRUE VALUE OF COMMPASSION, AND HAVE MOST CERTAINLY RECEIVED A MASTERS IN PAITIENCE AS I HAVE EXPRESSED TO MY GIRLFRIEND HOW MUCH I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HER FEEL THE WAY I DO. HER CHOICE TO STILL BE DISHONEST SOMETIMES IS MET WITH MIXED EMOTIONS ON MY PART. I KNOW SHE IS TRYING BUT ITS STILL HER FEAR OF ME VIEWING HER AS A FAILURE THAT ELICITS HER CONDITIONED RESPONSE, TO LIE OR TO GIVE ME PARTIAL TRUTHS, THAT I VIEW AS HER EFFORTS TO MINIMIZIE THE HURT. I HAVE TOLD HER SO MANY TIMES I WOULD RATHER BE HURT WITH THE TRUTH THAN TO BE PLEASED WITH A LIE. I KNOW SHE HAS STRONG FEELINGS FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP, BUT ITS IDENTIFYING HER LIMITATIONS SHE HAS PROBLEMS WITH.
I HAVE EXPRESSED FEAR THAT SHE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME, OF JUST BEING HER FOOL, BUT IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE. WE ARE VERY CLOSE AND I DO CONSIDER HER MY FIRST LOVE AND MY BEST FRIEND. I MEANT TO PAINT A PICTURE OF A PERSONALITY THAT IS NEVER SHOWN WHEN INTIMANT WITH ME. HER LIES (95% OF THE TIME) ARE OF ISSUES THAT WOULD NEVER BE A SINGLE CAUSE FOR SPLITTING UP. TO ME, IT IS A COMPULSION TO NOT LETTING ME DOWN BY REVELATION OF HER INIQUITIES.
TO HER ALIANCE I HAVE RESEARCHED A POSSIBILITY THAT THERE MAY BE A PATHOLOGICAL CONDITION THAT COULD RENDER LITTLE CONTROL OF HER RESPONSE STEMMING FROM AN AUTO ACCIDENT IN HER ADOLESCENCE IN WHICH SHE SUSTAINED MASSIVE HEAD TRAUMA, LEAVING HER IN A COMA AND ALMOST KILLING HER. IM OPTOMISTIC THAT WE CAN FIND HELP, BUT I AM NOT NIEVE TO MY BEING IN DENIAL AND SCRAPING THE BOTTOM OF THE BAREL FOR EXCUSES TO CONTINUE ALOWING THE QUALITY OF MY LIFE TO BE COMPROMISED BY SOMEONE WHO MAY BE AFRAID TO TELL ME GOOD-BYE. REMEMBER, HER M.O. WAS ALWAYS TO NOT HURT ME, SO SAYING GOOD-BYE MAY BE THE UNTOLD TRUTH.
SAYING GOOD-BYE TO THE ONLY WOMAN IVE LOVED IN AN EFFORT TO RAISE MY QUALITY OF LIFE, NOT OUT OF ANGER, NOT BECAUSE I LOST PAITIENCE, BUT SO THAT IN LETTING GO, I CAN KNOW THAT RESENTMENTS OVER THIS WILL NEVER REPLACE THE WONDERFUL FEELING OF AN UNBROKEN LOVE…THAT IS KEPT IN MY HEART!!!!

WITH THE CHAOS IN OUR WORLD TODAY……..ITS REALLY NICE WHEN YOU CAN CURL UP NEXT TO THE PERSON YOU’LL NEVER FORGET.

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU

“LIFE AINT ALWAYS BEAUTIFULL…………………..

…………….BUT IT CAN BE A BEAUTIFUL RIDE”
-GARY ALLEN-

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO RESPOND WITH ADVICE AND SUGGESTIONS TO MNM01312002@YAHOO.COM

I’m writing a novel about a main character that loses all self control. I want to see what people generally feel and think when they’re angry enough that they have to use self control not to do something illegal.
Let me clarify… describe your feelings. I need to see what kind of emotions you felt, so that I can try and put them down on paper in the form of his personality.

I am not trying to go into some holy or religious stuff here but I need to understand why this is. How many people agree with killing for any reason. Religion, cheating, revenge, the law or to save others. As for me, I say NO! Killing is wrong no matter if some god tells you to!! If God wants someone dead, they’ll be dead when said god wants. Humans should NEVER be told to kill any thing other than for food! Even if your starving on a mountain, and only with other humans as a food source, still, NO!!! Killing is wrong, and there are SO many people out there willing to do it for what ever reason. Serving the country, defending someone or something or somewhere, or even in your own self defense, is still KILLING, not letting live or die, ENDING LIFE. How is this just? There are countless things that can kill life and with no time or effort, then why do we smarter beings kill? Resources? This is not acceptable! I’ve even seen people discussing how the Christian faith even believes in killing as in self defense. I can not see this as acceptable either. If someone is attacking you, learn some defenses and break their abilities to hurt you. This can be done with out killing. Someone kills your family, you want to kill this person. You kill person, you are now forever changed because you served death to a living being. Then on top of this, that person, has a family too, now do they want revenge on you? This shows that this option, if you want to call it that, to kill is unacceptable. When you look at a baby, a child, a life that can be the next Hitler, would you kill it? That is Unacceptable! How can there be so many people who believe that killing is correct in ANY circumstance! I am not judging, I just am saying that it is unacceptable to peace. Is religion of any faith not the study of living life in peace and moving to a higher plain of existence? Then how is killing acceptable? In the name of God? God doesn’t need your or anyone’s help to kill life. God could snuff out the whole damn universe if God wanted! If you don’t believe in God even, killing doesn’t preserve anything. It doesn’t help society in any kind of way. When a psychopath killer takes away your family or friends or even your life before waking from some coma or what ever, do you REALLY think that it is OK to kill life? Tell me why if so. Why?!
If you don’t believe in killing for any reason at all, I personally want to let you know that I agree with you and you truly are a holy person for what ever religion or science that you practice. I dare even say that I love you as family if so. We should all take care of one another, not harm or kill.
OK, that sounds like I don’t love everyone as family, well, I don’t… but I do still think of you all as family, when met. I am not judging anyone, I’m just stating my own feelings in the previous statement. Don’t take offense please, I only want to explore more of what others think, but while some would agree with my philosophy I DO NOT JUDGE!!! You could have killed your own parents for all I know, and I am not going to say that your going to Hell or whatever. Understand that I just promote peace and not punishment or judgment. And while promoting it I’m learning different real life scenarios to further understand how my philosophy can be realized realistically.

I had a dream where I killed my wife via guillotine, and in my dream I had no intention of turning my self in but I was completely turn up inside about it. In the dream I cried a lot like I did not truly know why or how I did it. When I woke up I was still crying…What does this mean?
Thank you, I did forget to mention that when I woke up I was still crying because I thought I had lost her, if that makes any difference.

is it your destiny tht this is not your time to die or to get hurt…or it’s jst your own choice…and whatever your answer is consider it your choice and tell me what keeps you from tht..
actually i wasn’t asking about tht bcoz i wanna kill myself or something like tht…jst wanted to know how other ppl think about it..
no matter how different we are…no matter what our cultur or relegoin is…meaning of loving everyone cares about us is the same for all of us:)…

I need intant help!