i don’t wanna kill my self or anything, but i live in a quite city in sweden, people are not so fun here not like england anyways, i sometimes wish i could just get up and move, but im to young i hate this scandinaivan life style it sucks for me

I have always lived in a crappy house.The place is always a mess. My dad has an anger problem.My mom ran off with another man. then he was murdered. She came back for a week them ran off again with another man. I never have a lot of money. I’m in the 9th grade.I cant get arround the house because its filled with pointless stuff. The fridge is filled with rotten food so I dont eat much.Just top ramen and water. I try to be as normal as the other people at school but I really know I’m not. My school life is good. Girls like me and I got plenty of friends but my family favors my sister (the not psyco one) They take her out places and buy her nice things while I stay at my dirty home.Once I’m 18 I’m joining the Marines so I can just leave this place. I dont want to be like my dad or mom. I dont want to go to a foster home. I tought of killing my self several times but killing your self is a sin.I dont really believe in god or after life anymore but I dont want to take chances. what do i do

this is how my life goes…
the memories of the past i have were good compared to now
its all gone and what i have left is going to go away soon
i cant help thinking of these memories , it hurts soo much
i cant eat , study or be happy at all.
i have so many family problem
i have turned to suicide lot of times
2 times were failed atempt (cold medicine and pain killers).
my life is hell.
my mom even told me go kill your self
i have no one left.
just a small 6 year old sister for who i must go on through this.
please help me
i really dont want my sister to grow up with out me and end up like me.
i dont care about my parents , i dont wana go suicidal again i am always depressed.
i cant ask for antidepressent because i dont talk to my parents.
im all alone and i dont wana die.
i need help with
1)getting over old memories
2)natural antidepressent
4)some good inspiring quote.
5)tell me if your life sucks so atleast i feel better comparing it to myne.

thanks who ever wish to help me.
ill give you all thumbs up and one gets 10 points.

help me i am about to kill my self well not really but hes gone what do i do?

kill your self to save your family.would you?????????