BEAR MEAT

was dumped my BF of 7 yeaars for a younger, prettier woman. me and my supposedly fiance never had sex due to him refusing an hiv test. then i noticed 2 purple lesions/blotches appear on his leg accompanying a huge red rash on his arm and feet with fever, vomit, and diareha. He siad the purple marks were from falling off his bike and a bebe gun shot when he was 10. 4 months later the marks never disappeared. he blamed my food for his flu like symptoms although i ate the same food and never got sick. then the last 9 months he had ginigivits and would bleed from his mouth for no reason so i never kissed him for like 2 years becuause he refused to brush his teeth. when he dumped me he told me i wasnt **** to him and he has a new girl. HOW DO I NOT BE JEALOUS OF THIS NEW GIRL THAT STOLE MY FIANCE FROM ME AND MY LIFE FROM ME? HOW DO I COPE WITH ALL THE LONLEY NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS AND SEE THE POSITIVE SIDE OUT OF THIS VERY DEPRESSING SAD SITUATION. I FEEL SO SUCIDAL LIKE I WANT TO JUST LAY DOWN AND DIE. AND BEING 35 I FEEL NO ONE WOULD WANT ME ANYWAY

it makes me sick. Im suicidal because im Asian. Us Asian guys are prone to being depressed and suicidal. Dont call us sucidal people selfish we are caring and loving but we arent loved back so we must kill ourselves. Girls hate me for some reason Asian girls say im too Asian for them. I dont want to find out what white girls and latinas will say about me. I attempted suicide about 5 times in my life. I see nothing wrong it just i lack the ability to getting the job done. I been researching the best way of suicide and i want to be safe so i didnt pick carbon monoxcide cause its dangerous to others. So i decided to swallow many sleeping and coughing pills and drinking with alcohol and my savings will goto the less fourtune it people. How am i being selfish when im killing myself for the betterment of others?

Suicide is not selfish infact its selfless.
My sister said that i should commit suicide.
Well if its easier to do suicide than ill do it. but im not selfish im donating my savings to poor kids in other countries.

I know this question may seem trivial to some people, but do really love my parents. So it hurts every time they call me stuff like ‘immature’, ‘lazy’ and ‘bad’ when I am trying my best.

This is what made me feel this way today:
I gave my mom the financial aid application and I had the intention of asking her some information to fill out her part and my part–but somehow she thought that doing it herself would be quicker.
Since tomorrow was the priority deadline (not official, since it is early action and tax hasn’t been collected for 2009 yet), I was thinking that everything was okay, and that it wouldn’t take that much to finish it quickly. However, I was wrong. I clearly saw that I am at fault, and I feel bad about it. The only thing was that I was only notified by the university the weekend before the deadline that I had to submit the PROFILE tomorrow through an e-mail, there was no indication in their application checklist that I had to finish that. Thus, I wasn’t able to get a head start to it. Though I would understandably know why she may cal me ‘immature’, ‘selfish’, and ‘lazy’, it’s been happening all the time, and not only in this incident.

In school, on the other hand, I am the ‘responsible’ one. I am the type who studies 4-6 hours a day, sacrifices my Saturdays studying, and studying at least 5 hours for a quiz and 10-15 hours for an exam. I am also active in terms of extracurricular, joining the Junior Achievement program in my city and contributing significantly to our group’s science project (where we make our own experiment and present it to the school). Though I may have a bad habit of procrastination sometimes, I still manage to get everything done by the deadline.

In everything I do, I try to put my best effort. I am not the smartest kid my parents would want, since I get mid 80s to high 80s at best, I take a demanding course load (all honors except Chemistry IB, Physics, Calculus and Latin.. making it a total of 7 subjects this year. However, I took all honors/IB in prior years). I’m an honors student. I’ve won awards displaying my hard work in school. Many of my teachers and classmates commend me for that.

But my parents still think I’m lazy, immature and bad. They think that I have evil intentions every time I do something. For example, concerning the financial aid application, my mom said I ‘lied’ when I told her that the preliminary stage was it,.. that’s what I thought too!! It’s my first time doing a financial aid application and my counselor knows nothing about financial aid, so I’m at a disadvantage. I didn’t know that she had to put everything we spent in that application, I’m new to the process too. Furthermore, she said her side of the story. I am dissapointed when parents don’t hear the children’s side of the story. As long as the parent said it, that’s it! Because of this, I don’t feel loved. I have a younger brother who plays video games all the time, does not do his chores, and gets 60′s-70′s in school and they talk to him more than me. Sometimes I feel like it’s because of me. Maybe they don’t love me. Maybe they wish it was just my brother that existed. That’s why I’ve been thinking about suicide lately. Recently, I’ve felt like I’ve been the reason for my mom’s misery. She always complains when I let her read my essay, saying that I’m a ‘bad writer’ and that I don’t deserve to graduate from Grade 12 English (I have an 84 in English Honors btw). I think my parents have really high expectations for me, and I feel like that if I don’t fulfill those expectations, both my dreams and their dreams for me will die. They try to reassure me that it doesn’t matter, but there’s that unseen pressure. My mom always talks about California, how she wants to move their eventually when I go to my ideal school there. Thing is, I don’t know if I’ll get accepted to my ideal school.

Maybe they’ll be happier when I’m dead. Maybe all their problems will be solved if I just didn’t live anymore. Every second of my life seems to bring more hurt to them, how can I stop it? Weary myself to death from starvation and overwork? Perhaps fainting from exhaustion while walking home in the blistering snow, where no one can notice? Dying in the cold? Maybe. I just need to know if they love me.

that they are infertile? i have been with my boyfriend for over 3 years. at 16 he got me pregnant and becuase i was so young and wanted to live my life first i had an abortion. I have regreted it every day since. I found out last week that my boyfriend has been cheating on me and i have chalmydia, ghonorea and herpes. It has gone so long undeteced that i am now infertile. the reason for life is to have children. i want to die, i really dont see the point in living. This is Gods punishment for me after killing my unborn baby. I was stupid. I am in a really good uni and i am a good looking girl but these things just dont matter.
honestly, who here would commit suicde if they were infertile?

Well the reason I am asking this question is because, I have a friend. That his girlfriend broke up with him not that long ago. And they have been together for awhile now. And he really loved her and now he is in the hospital cause he tried to commit suicide over her. Would someone explain to me why he would do something so horrible like that?